The 6th Man

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In basketball, the 6th man is a player who is not a starter but comes off the bench much more often then others. Well the 6th man in my case means something totally different. If you read “My Daddy’s Wife” this is part two of that story. If not, you probably should.

When I found out through Ancestry.com that my dad had a wife, who was not my momma, I of course had lots of questions. The first time that I video-chatted with my stepmom as I like to call her, I had tons and tons of questions. Like, “Hey sooooooooo where you meet my daddy at?” Ummm they met at church camp when they were 17. I silently laughed, because my daddy did not ever attend church while I was under his roof. Next question….”Sooooo how old was ya’ll when ya’ll got married?” He was 20, she was 19. “Did he chase you, like he chased my momma?” Why yes, yes he did. That was a little disappointing, cause from all the stories I was told, my momma was his everything.

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My dad and his father-in-law on his Wedding Day!

Ya’ll the most important question that I had was of course…

“Did ya’ll have any kids?”

The answer was hesitantly NO!!! First of all, I did not believe her! Second of all, some things she said about my daddy didn’t add up! As in, she told her grandbaby, that my daddy was her grandpa!!!!!!!

Insert the 6th Man!! I have 4 other siblings, and I needed to know if I had 5! Let me explain what led me to believe that her son, is my older brother. Remember that photo album I talked about? Yep, he was in there! I thought it was my dad’s brother, because they looked so much alike! Secondly, I facebook stalked him too!! Crazy I know, but I needed answers. When I tell you, that he looks just like my daddy, I mean he looks just like my daddy! They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, (hopefully I got that right). People they got thee same eyes, lips and everything else.

Now listen, I respect my “stepmomma” and would never want to invade her privacy or call her out on things that may not be true! But in my heart of hearts, I truly feel that he is my daddy’s son! She told me that he took care of her son like he was his, but I believe its because he was his. My daddy also took care of my older brothers, who were not his. That just speaks to the man he was.

So what happened to their relationship? My daddy loved to skate and that was his life. He left my stepmomma and went to Los Angeles, became a DJ at a skating rink and met my momma. For those of you wondering, yes he and my stepmomma are divorced! I came after the divorce, but was probably in the making while they were still married, lets just be honest!

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My daddy!

How I overcame:

I would love to say that I have overcome this situation, but the truth of the matter is…I haven’t! But what I am doing is keeping that Ancestry.com account active, in hopes that one day he too will take a DNA test! If I am wrong, then I am wrong but somehow I doubt it!

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My Daddy’s Wife

 

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Photo by Gratisography on Pexels.com

Ancestry.com rocked my world!  I was born in 1978 in Culver City, California.  My parents met at a skating rink in the 70’s when it was all the rage.  My dad was a DJ and my mom was just a foxy, hot-to-trot, afro-wearing beauty.  It was love at first sight for my mom.  She already had my 3 brothers and longed for a beautiful baby girl (Uhh-hmm that would be me)!

When my mom tells me the story of when she met my dad, her favorite thing to say is:

“Yo daddy was fine and I knew he would make a girl” (insert the side eye from me).

Low and behold she got her wish. In fact, my daddy gave her two girls.  We lived in California until I was 5 and then moved to Utah.  I never knew any of my dads side of the family and after he passed in 2006, I wanted to know that side.

This is where the story begins.  In 2012, I created an Ancestry.com account so that I could build my family tree.  At that time, there database didn’t have a lot of information on my dad and neither did I.  I would log on every now and then, do some searches and build my moms side of the family tree.  Fast-forward to 2018 and I decide to give it another go!

Ya’ll when I tell you that I was shook, I mean I was shook!  If you have ever been on Ancestry.com then you know that when there is a hit, you see the little green leaf.  Well there was a hit on my dads name for new family members.  In my mind, I was about to find an Aunt, uncle, a long lost cousin.  Oh no no no!!!

Ya’ll he had a wife…..and it was not my Momma! Now wait one minute, who is this lady and where did she come from?  I ain’t never heard nothing about no wife!  I had so many questions I couldn’t believe it.

When I seen the marriage records and found her name, ya’ll know exactly what I did.  I went straight to facebook and entered her name into the search bar.  The good thing is her name was so unique that it had to be her.  I called my brother and my auntie and asked them if they knew about my daddy having a wife.  They had no idea either. After I sat with the discovery for a few days, I went a step further and messaged her on facebook.

It took two weeks for her to respond and people, it was his WIFE!!!! I could not even believe it.  She emailed me back with her number and I called her up and we talked, and talked and talked.  She told me the story of how she met my dad, what he was like when he was younger (all things I never knew), she even informed me that she knew about me and my sister.  Here is the other killer part…my dad had a photo album with pictures that I assumed to be my aunt that I had never met before.  When he passed, I kept the photo album.  I opened that photo album up, took out the picture and turned it over and it was her.  All this time I thought this woman was my aunt and she was my step momma!!

How I Overcame……

I could be mad, feel hurt and betrayed.  But the truth of the matter is, my step momma as I jokingly like to call her, gave me insight into a side of my dad I never knew.  She sent me pictures that she still had.  She loved him just as much as my mom did and for that I cannot be mad at all!!!